i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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