I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
