i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
