We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
