Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
