i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
