There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
