So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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