honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize