shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
