Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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