I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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