If that was your dad, he is hot
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
