i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
a search helicopter?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
