you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
