how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize