nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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