In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My dick has a subreddit
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
