we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
