Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
