it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
