i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
