Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize