Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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