what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
