my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
