Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
