His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
