I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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