Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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