I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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