yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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