Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
