Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
