what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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