So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so let's talk penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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