dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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