new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
