Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
