How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
