if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
