With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
