saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
