you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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