My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
