Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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