You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
