RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
