You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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