In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
