:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im part way to drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
