I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
