Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
