Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
