I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
