I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
