4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
