Me. At least after what I've been through.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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