so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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