is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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