I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
