FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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