Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
