yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
