I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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